Time for one last photo...

time to say goodbye

I came, I saw, I ate pizza.

After a... hmmm... well... I won´t say it was a tearful goodbye because didn´t cry till afterwards... I got on my train to Frankfurt where I now wander the airport looking for something to occupy my time. Both Natan and Mchel are now playing soccer games and I awaot the 20 hour flght home. Happy to return but sad to leave frends behind...

Post script...

Now in Singapore... the flight was bearable but now I have to hang here for another 6 hours or so...

For those gettting really excited that I'm coming home, don't get too excited cause I fly out again for another couple of weeks for a course... I promised I would come back and I did...

well worn

well worn 4
Originally uploaded by Shok.

ever get the feeling you're only just holding it together?

Sex and the city

Well, not really want I want to talk about but it's what always reminds me of shoes...

I came to Germany to buy shoes. Seriously. I have big feet. I have wide feet. They're great for swimming but suck for shoe shopping. I usually hate it with a vengance simply because it is just down right depressing.

But not today! Today I triumphed!! I had almost given up on this city and it's shoes when even in another language, one look at my feet brought on serious shakes of the head... not even mens shoes....

Until I finally found the Birkenstock shop. Four pairs people. Four pairs. Including a pair of boots! I have triumphed!

And also spent a ridiculous amount of money. Which is what reminds me of sex int he city. i mean seriously how can someone love shoes that much? Have so many pairs and spent so much money? I don't know what her excuse is but I almost fainted when I did the calculation in my head...I kinda forgot about the exchange rate...

But you know what really bought my triumph to a screeching halt? Passing person after person begging on the street for money and me muttering under my breath, apologising for not speaking for german, carrying my bags of shoes...

Nana from Gana

Today (well yesterday) I made a new friend...

In Koln there are a lot fo buskers and 99% of them are really good.

I passed an African guy playing flute so I chucked him a dollar. He stopped playing and started a conversation, which turned into coffee. He is a very talented muscian and dreams of returning home and started up a kind of orphanage.

There's more to the story but it doesn't really belong on a website me thinks!

Finally, some photos...

Scroll down to the end and they'll be in chronological order... the comments make more sense too...

This is the Cologne Dome or Cathedral... I was over 200 metres away and I still couldn't get the whole thing in. It's massive!!

This is the lake the boys live close too... it's pretty awesome... hell of a long walk around though...my butt still hurts!

What trip is complete without a couple of clowns...

Time for another clown...

A lot of things are taken seriously iin Germany... esp the K9 police force...

Onwards to the big city... cologne... where public policy says all men must smell nice... (not really but it's a good idea don't you think?) This is me and Mary, Michael's dad's dog. Michael's dad was nice enough to take me on a wlaking tour around cologne, then out to lunch :) We had pizza!

High on a hill was a lonely goat herd... and now we know where he lives...

This is Julianna and also my first mode of transport on the autobahn...For those looking for a new vehicle I highly recommend these. The leg room in the front is awesome... and the back is great for those who have none at all...

Everything is small... the streets, the cars... i think that the mini cooper is classed as a family wagon here...

Now we arrive in Bamberg... the polar opposite of Chicago...

Sears Tower... The little buildings you see to the left are only 50 storeys high... do we have any that big in Auckland?

This was my host family in Chicago, Joan and sproglets.. Seriously, I tried to get them to take a proper photo but they refused!

From the top of the Sears tower every thing looks little... everything except the way down...

This is Chicago... with a parking policy after my own heart...

This is a part of the Crystal Cathedral in Anaheim (the one you see on tele on sunday mornings). It's stunningly beautiful with it's own drive in worship centre and million dollar womens toilet. Ladies, it was sorth every cent!

This was about as exciting as hollywood got... you see, it doesn't really exist. It's just an urban legend

Yes, it's as cheesey as it looks!

Directly on the other side of Rob and why he is leaning ever so slightly to your left is a cliff face of a couple hundred metres... and I mean directly... This was along the pacific coast highway... pretty but not as pretty as our west coast!

Yes, the blurred image is what you think it is... Jesus: The Action Figure. Comes complete with leper, loaves and fish. Batteries not included

The beginning of Tash's new fall collection of tradtional american images... not me, the coke truck!

Santa Cruz Beach... with it's own Boardwalk (I now know what that is) andtheme park...

Photos...

no power for laptop... not getty photos off camera and on to memory stick... plus havenät found anywhere that will let me stick stuff on their machines.... there will be heaps when I get back... but I promise, not as many as last year!!

Strike that, reverse it.

Got power, got laptop with wireless capabilities... got wireless signal in flat... got internet! And that means photos! Hold tight!

I feel dumb...

Really, I do. The fact that I only speak one language fluently makes me feel dumb. Sitting through hours of conversation you dont understand, hours of television that you dont understand. Eatign the same food in the super market because you cant tell from the pictures what everything else is makes you feel a little helpless and a little useless... but apart from that it´s cool.

I´m trying to convince michael to come up in a hot air balloon with me but so far with no success.

I ridden bikes more this last week than ni the alst ten years of my life. The first night Natan took me out which was the first time Iäve been back on a bike in ages and I had to try and follow himin the dark, with no street lights, through a flippin forest! It was an adventure and I didnt fall off that time.

Michael and I took a road trip down south where he had to do some work for a couple of hours on behalf of the soccer federation. One the way there we got stuck in traffic on the autobahn for about 90 mintues all because they were trying to get everyone to merge lanes. On trhe way back it was the same except it was some sort of accident. We had to turn off the car for 40 minutes and just sit there so we had a nap.

I also calculated (very roughly) that on average we passed 14.25 trucks per minute coming in the opposite direction... we travelled for 270 mintues onthe way home... that´s over 3800 trucks. It´s not even the main autobahn people!! Plus at every rest stop which I will conservatively say there was one every 20 kms there were between 8 and 20 trucks parked for the night... crazy.

I´m a little home sick now and the guys are working and training quite a bit so I´m having a lot of reflective time.

I have to go home now and decide if I can handle the 16km cycle to midnight soccer tonight... I have a feeling that´s what made me sick last week... hmm... I tell you, this is a crazy country!

Love to you all, and if you see dottie give her a hug from me!

köln... the city of mens aftershave...

not really but thatäs how you pronounce it.

I arrived here this afternoon to be greeted by Michael´s late Hungerian butler who managed to lose our chauffer... Michael´s dad. Funny thing was, mIchaeläs dad walked straight past me on his search for Natan... apparently he was looking out for someone more kiwi..I promise, I havenät done anything to my hair... yet... (but mum... I diid get my ears pierced again... twice... jstu so I could say I did it in Chicago...)
SOrry about the typing but they gave gfunny keyboards here.

The boys scored the coolest flat. Itäs like an old stlye american farmstead with stables etc... or maybe more english... but anyway, theyx have a little flat int he sceons floor with very cool views of the garden. Michael is at work coahing his kiddies team so Natan has been giving me a tour fo the sports university where they study... itäs quite cool... not as cool as carey though!

Bye bye for now!!

PTL the lord for indoor plumbing...

Thank goodness for indoor plumbing is all I have to say after Julianna took me clubbing last night with her freinds. We had several hours of dancing to crazy old songs and crazy german songs and numerous guys who refused to believe that I didnt speak german. They also had some of the worst pick up lines... it was like being in primary school again. Anyways... back to the indoor plumbing. After the club closed you had to be really quiet because it was below residential apartments. The guys who were with us started play fighting (as boys do) and the next thing us girls are soaking wet... you see in bamberg, they don´t yell at you to be quiet they just chuck a bucket of water out their window and hope their aim is good enough to persuade the party gooers to move on... it was. Again, thank goodness for in door plumbing!!

Jermany... my first customs search...

I made to the airport at Chicago and without any trouble got on my plane. It was scary saying good bye to everyone as this is the first part of my journey where I venture out alone. The flight was uneventful and I did manage to sleep for some of it. However the highlight of my travel was German customs... I must have looked stoned cuase they pulled me aside to empty my bags. Now had this been Tere of past this would have been a nightmare but having found in the states these wonderful vaccuum bags for clothes, this was relatively painless. They kept asking me 'what´s this?´ (at least I think this is what they were asking). They were very suspicious of the two sets of 8 ´nooma´dvds, and the 8 cds I had bought at the conference. I shoudl point out at this stage that neither of them spoke english. So for an entertaining (not) 15 mintues or so I tried to explain to them that they were christian teaching resources for young adults - not pirated hollywood movies. I thinkit helped when he pulled out my bible case and said ´what´s this?´. Now, the word for bible is the same in german as it is in english (for that matter so is dvd but they didnät understand that either) and he looked at me blankly for a few moments and then said ´bible?´ ´ja´as I opened it to prove that it wasn´t a very clever way of smuggling drugs.

The funny thing is, that although you know that there is nothing illegal in your bags you get very nervous that somehow something appeared from another dimension just to cause you trouble.

After my flight I had to catch two trains to get to bamberg and I can only put down my success to the grace of God. I got stopped at customs which should ahve made me late but my flight was early. I had carefully written down all the instructions and contacts numbers for Gerd and for Michael and put them in a very special place... when I find that very special place, I´ll let you know. I have the most terrible jet lag after 4 time zones in three weeks and was falling alseep on the train only to wake up after we pulled away from the stop where I would look frantically for a sign letting me know that i´d missed the stop to bamberg.

But thanks to modern technology I was able to kept entertained by texting a friend back home and when I got to bamberg 3 hours late I was able to call mum, wake her up at 5am and ask her to call Gerd for me... ain´t life grand?

Bamberg is beautiful. I get to go clubbing tonight but i´m not sure if I´m going to be able to stay awake... or how you order ´lemon lime & bitters´in german...

The Willow Beast...

Saw my good friend Bill today... also went to americas largest mall and possible my largest nightmare but we hung out with th e lovely ladies from the JC Penny Salon and had our nails done (just to say we did). You know why all the ladies get those huge great nails? Cause it only cost 26 bucks US (about 40 NZ).

Also had fun telling the host kds about NZ's huge chocolate sheeo dropping export. I even bought them a bag.

count down now 2days till leave the US. It's been a blast but can't wait to leave the tour group and just hang out with some friends!!

Navy pier...

Could have posted this from navy pier... but we ran out of time. Went on the ferris wheel... pretty cool. Thought I would get freaked about the height but I was sweet. Went on the Seadog speedboat for a habour tour, again thought I woud get sick but was sweet. Apparently I was the first person to ask wher eyou got wet because they wanted to get wet. We went on the 3d/4d time travel thingy which was cool but did make me a bit sick. For the grls... Dd a drve by nto Bloomingdales to pick up free gifts (free when you spend money) very cheap though. For the boys... saw more lmos, hummers and harleys. We wanted to ask wllow if we could brinh our youth groups over just to do donuts n their car park... it s huge....
I'm tired and hungry and after watching Mr 3000, kinda home sick. Don't ask me why.

Ciao for now...

Oh and PS, have fnshed my reading for paper one! Yay! I might make it yet!!

Hi de hey... baby don't you want to go...

We went up Sears Tower today and it is flipping huge. 103 floors. 2200 steps. You can see for 50 miles on a good day from the top. Wish I could post photos at the moment. We also waw our first star at the airport forgot to mention. Tash stopped Giovanni someoneor other whose starring in a movie lol which I don't know the name of... I'll look hm up later!!

Willow creek is huge but I was kinda expecting that and wasn't overly excited.

That's all for now...

Sweet home Chcago

Interesting point to note first... the 'i' key doesn't work so well so you'll have to use your imaginations!

Flew nto chcago this evening and met my hosts John and Joan Kelley. We cool people who have an awesome house and i already feel lke I'm gettng the royal treatment (and know 'm not just saying that cause they know about my website and mgh read t some day). 'ts really nce to have a room to myself and be able to do washng!! Haven't seen much of chicago yet but the arport is crazy huge! So is our next rental car. It's a GMC Lexicon or somethng... it make's the chevy look small... pity can't drive t over here :( At the moment I'm trying to repack my luggage cause although I can take 32 kgs from the states to germany, I can only take 20 kgs from germany to sngapore and haven't even been shoe shopping yet!

Leavng Los Vegas...

well Los Angeles... but couldn't think of aa song ttle.

Woke up ths morning, looked out the window and braced my self for a miserable day. It was grey and 'cloudy', very unlike the weather todate... One word for you... smog. Gross... happy to leave LA behind. San Francsco was beautful but LA s better left to the magnaton...

General Meetings...

This morning was audio adrenaline... yesterday tobyMac... tonight Steven Curtis Chapman... It's blows my mind. Another thing which is cool is th recognition that they give youth wokers. I just wouldn't happen in the states. This morning we met a woman who s 90 and still in youth ministry. Another man has been in youth ministry for 33 years and has been asked to leave hs job as they no longer feel he can reach teens. He had the two biggest gatherings in the history of the church the week earlier. It brought a lot of us to tears as he was afirmed by the 5000 youth workers at the conference. Americans encourage support and cheer on people in ways that we don't in new zealand and although it's kinda cheesey, it's sad that we can't do th same at home.

Mama Pepe.. my adopted grandma

In my late night wanderings of th hotel I bumped into this little lost lady who shared my quest for the hotel pool. She i from Madrid but has been here in the states since 1967. She has been married to her husband for 50 years, how amazing is that? I couldn't understand half of what she was saying but apparently she is suing a doctor for 4 million. He mismanaged er drus for bak pin an put her into a coma for 9 days. Another lady under the same treatment died. I can understand her wanting to sue! That's the other funny thin about the states, all the cars slow down for you big time! Let you cross, do what ever. I figure i'ts because if they hit someone, they sue. Crazy...

Santa Cruz... the beginning of the hobbit journey...

Dan Kimball... pastor of the 'emerging church' Vintage faith looks like JonnyBravo. Seriously. We were billeted out for two nights with two awesome chicks, Danielle and Jenny. Walked the broadway which is a pier abou this long [insert hand signs here] and this wide [insert hand signs here]. It's massive and there were sea lions there!! Plus one of those fairy tale beach side fairs with a little roller coaster. Very cute. We drove for 7 hours along th pacific coast highway (which although pretty does not compare with our west coast) and stopped for photos were Rob stood on a little concrete pillar on the edge of a cliff... photos will be posted later! Some of the houses that were along side the cliffs lookingout to the ocean were spectaclar, like grass lawns on the roof so you can drive golf balls off into th sea.

We arrived at the Hilton, had the car and crashed big time!

So little emailing time so much to write...

I'm a nice person so I'm not going to hog the free email at the coference. I'm in the hilton hotel in Anaheim LA... just saw Toby Mac live, Dave crowder band is leading worsip, John Ortberg preached... God is blowing my mind... Steven Curtis Capman is on Sunday night... plus TimHuges,Cris Tomlin... it's crazy... America is just like tv... they think our accent is cute... Hollywood doesn't really exist... I've made friends with a Spanish Corporate wife called Pepe who took me out for lunch the other day. We're the only kiwis hereand every time we drive up to valet we get greeted with 'it's the kiwis'... we're known for ot tiping butbeing incredibly friendly. Americans are loud, friendly and genuinely interested in other people. The ones I have met so far are doing a lot to redeem the rest of the country. Tash and I are sharing a hotel room, double bed each :) There's kinda so much to tell and as this is my first braindump I kinda don't know where to start... Hope all is well at home... It's not really real yet but talking to the flaties helped. If you see Dottie give her a hug from me. She shunned me on the phone last night. Love from LA. Tere.

PS post replies and use your names!! It's faster than checking email (but don't get too personal... I've cried enough already!)

2 more sleeps...

Only two more sleeps to go and I'm off on my USA adventure (with a slight detour to Germany). I'll send out posts to the website as often as I can letting you know how many Americans I've offended, and Germans I've weirded out...

Wish me luck and keep us in your prayers... I dont' really want to be blown up...

Apparently if you take one home, let it melt, it makes really nice drinking water... you just have to strain the fungus outof it first...

There's always one who wants a mirror...

We don't know how he managed to get this far from home but DOC are coming to take him back to the sea soon...

When in the naki...

boys in snow...

The Body of Christ

I brokemy little finger, right? Went to punch the volley ball. Did infact punch the volley ball. However, which we will put down to fatigue, I neglected to retract my little finger and it broke. It hurt too. Three hours in the A&E clinic and a doctor that was hitting on me, later, I am sent home with three of my fingers taped together.

Looking at my fingers the first thing that springs to mind is "what use has my little finger got?". Tangent to the body of Christ verses and you should be able to track where I am going on this. When one of us is hurting the rest of the body suffers (just try changing gears in a diesel with a broken finger). Someof us are just plain broken. Bruised, shattered and swollen. We hurt too much to be of much help to anyone else. Some of us are just bruised. We can help but by ourselves we're still not that stable. And some of us are fine. Stable enough to help others.

All three of my fingers had to be taped together in order for the little one to heal properly. Thus it is in the Body of Christ that we have to do this thing called life together. We are not designed to grow or heal on our own.

And so it is that the day will come when my middle finger needs help, so we will all move from brokenness to wholeness at various stages in our lives...

Life's fair, right?

Based on class discussion...

Life is fair? Some would say so. Things all balance out in the end and despite the number of heartaches that one might have, the number of times that your heart will surge with joy will soon enough equal. I'm pretty sure I used to think like that. Despite my family back ground and any struggle that I might be facing, I was not a third world kid. I knew where my next meal was coming from and I had a roof over my head. In fact I had so much more. The idea then, picking up Yancey's book, 'Disappointment with God' that one indeed, could be disappointed with God was completely foreign.

Is life really a balancing act? That when we get to the end of it, all things are even? Maybe if you live to 90... Or maybe if you buy into reincarnation. But what about those whose lives are taken early? In war, famine, accident, or foul play? They don't fit the pattern.

I don't think that life is fair. The next statement that many make is 'but God is fair'. God won't give you more than you can handle. I learned of two young children aged 5 and 8 who lost their mother to suicide 6 months ago. Now, I have battled with suicide and battled with depression, but I not been in a place so dark yet that the love of two children was not enough to bring me through. This woman obviously was. Did God get it wrong? Did he give her more than she could handle. It seems she thought so. Another family in my church has a multiple handicapped son who is now an adult. The wife has contracted a muscular disease which is slowly destroying her muscles. Now after years of service to their son they were planning a trip home to England. The first and last chance to return home in 40 years. A few days before the flight, the husband had a heart attack and was hospitalised. They can no longer go on their pilgrimage home. Is God fair?

In desperation to try and understand, in our longing for a loving God, we brush over these questions because they take God outside the box in which we put him. Did anyone tell you when you signed up for this journey of faith that sometimes God wouldn't make sense? That sometimes He would do things or allow things to happen that in our understanding are wrong? Don't get me wrong, there are days I long for a God who is more like a fairy godmother than an all powerful, ever present, all knowing God. But He doesn't seem to want to come to the party on that one. I still don't understand what God was trying to prove with Job, except that maybe (just like when we discipline a child) He sees a bigger picture than we do.

There is another reason that I don't think God is fair.

He loves me. He loves me extravagantly. He loves me to the point of sending his own son, himself, to death. Not just the physical death that we think of but the separation from the trinity. The mystery of relationship between Father, Son and Holy Spirit that are somehow one. Jesus was separated from this at the cross. That is a pain we will never understand.

It is not fair that He loves me this way. It is not justice for I know my own heart. It is not fair that He loves me this way.

So what, then, can you say to someone in pain? What does this family hold on to? In the murkiest depths of human experience, what does our God have to say about fairness?

"My child, I have walked the path before you and I will light the way."

Ever have one of those weeks?

I have to wonder if someone's out to get me... I have to wonder if I walked under an umberella, through a rabbit's foot over the wrong shoulder or opened a ladder indoors... It has been one of those weeks. Last tuesday my cat died and I have to own up (to my shame) that it was probably partially due to neglect on my part. Saturday night some who shall remain nameless put some"warm" ashes from the fire place into a cardboard box, next to another cardboard box, under a bean bag. We then went out for a few hours (leaving Dottie locked inside) to return to find the box half turned to cinders... the half that was not touching anything else PTL!

Then last night I plugged in my oil heater. I should have reflected a bit deeper on the smell of burning plastic but it was late and I have never been a details person. I woke up to a flash of light and fumes that no amount of absent mindedness could ignore. The wall socket had melted and caught fire. The one next to my head. No major damage at all but I slept on the floor in the lounge last night which meant waking up with a stuffed back and chinese nasal drip torture going on down the back of my throat.

But you know what? I got to hug Tash this week (who is looking stunning). I got to play dress up with the other Natasha for her seventh form ball. Jane and I hold the record for charades guessing Shawshank Redemption inside 10 seconds thanks to Roy. I got to give Dottie a haircut not because of fire damage. And you know what it really boils down to? I didn't die. I'm alive and sniffing and I get to spend the next two days on block course with some well missed mates.

Tis a strange wee life we are expected to navigate through...

'Great Writer'

 There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire become a great writer. When asked to define "great" he said,

"I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

'Lipstick in the bathroom'

A Youth Pastor received an email from the senior highlighting a little problem. Anumber of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirrors leavingdozens of little lip prints.

The senior decided that something had to be done and left it to the Youth Pastor to sort out.  The Youth Pastor called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the caretaker. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the caretaker who had to clean the mirrors aftereach youth event. To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the caretaker to clean one of the mirrors. He took out a long handled brush, dipped it into the toilet, and scrubbed the mirror.

Since then there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

Ferdinand the Frog

Once upon a time, there was a frog named Ferdinand. He was really quite old and really quite bald! Although you must promise not to tell anyone. You see, it was a secret.

Ferdinand was bald. Ferdinand was a frog. But none of the towns folk new this. You see, Ferdinand had a wig. It was a large, hairy, muncled* kind of wig. Like something your mother would use to clean the kitchen floor with.

Ferdinand would wear his wig every day and instead of hopping, he would crawl.

Now, he lived at his local pub where he was gainfully employed as a footstool. He would crawl from patron to patron offering his back as a safe haven for wary feet.

Everyone assumed that Ferdinand was some sort of terrier. You know the ones that you would like to drop kick. They offered him doggy treats, bones, patted him and called him Rover.

Overall, it was not a bad life for a frog but he always felt like something was missing... that there was a hole inside of him. A dog shaped hole...

Ferdinand was also dyslexic.

One day, he decided to venture out. To seek the thing that would fill this dog shaped hole. He travelled through villages, towns, boroughs, burgs, cities, centres, ports and plazas. But no one could help him...

Until one day, he met her. Petunia. She was beautiful. She was elegant. She was well spoken and well bred. She was a standard poodle.

She was also not so bright... she too had a hole... she knew it to be a frog shaped hole.

She ate Ferdinand.

*muncled: gnarly, like something you would fine at the back of the broom closet after the cat had been shut in there for a week…

Teenage angst

I have two boxes left of "stuff". Stuff that has been around for years... photos, italian verb pages, reading guides to the Aeneid, journals, letters and the lot. One of my favourite things is reading back over old poetry, having a bit of a laugh and wondering how I managed to stay so miserable for so long. I found a few that I thought were worthy of publishing. They are not so bad, and I didn't even have to edit any of the language!

How is it that inspiration flows so easy out of pain whether it be the depressive kind or the unrequited kind? Where are you supposed to get your inspiration from if you're neither depressed or in love? Why is it that so often you manage to be both?

I walk to the waters edge
The waves mirror my rage
And the moon, my solitude

I take a step forward
The water seeps
Slowly taking hold

I don't have to live

Time stands still
The water rises
Icy fingers seducing me

The tide pulls from within
I control
I can't mak it stop

I don't have to live

Stars twinkle
Pin pricks
They don't bleed

The current drags
my soul
my body follows

I don't have to live

The ocean rages
A betrayed lover
Forcing me onwards

I fall

I am caught
I am not alone

The moon looks on
As the sea screams
And I know

I dont' have to die.

If I were to see you tomorrow
Would it be through hazy mists?
In which I could see your silhouette?
Or would it be in the corner cafe
Where we sit and talk over coffee?

If I were to see you tomorrow
Would I ask the colour of Heaven's gates?
And the pitch of the doorbell?
Or would I ask if you were lonely
So far away from home?

If I were to see you tomorrow
Would I hear a heavenly choir?
Singing hymns in perfect harmony.
Or would you play your guitar
And sing to me of broken hearts?

If I were to see you tomorrow
Would I tell you of world politics?
Cd roms, cancer research and whales?
Or would I tell you of my first kiss,
My first love and my first car?

If I were to see you tomorrow
Would you ask me my net worth?
Who I am going to vote or?
Or would you ask of my heart
And those I keep close to it?

If I were to see you tomorrow
Would you tell me to invest wisely?
Drive safely and use dental floss?
Or would you tell me to live,
Love and smile?

If I were to see you tomorrow
Would you help me with my tax return?
And paying the rent?
Or would you build sandcastles with me
And watch the sun set?

If I were to see you tomorrow
Would you see a girl with tear stained cheeks?
Trying to hold her head up high?
Or would you see your little princess
Filled with hopes and dreams?

If I were to see you tomorrow
Would I take a photograph?
To keep the memory forever in a frame?
Or would I give you a hug
And keep the memory forever in my heart?

If I were to see you tomorrow
Would you leave me?
Silently while I slept?
Or would you hold me in your arms
And make it all okay?

If I were to see you tomorrow
Could I let you go once more?

He didn't die a heroes death
They shot him in the head
Before he hit the ground, they say
His eyes cried "I am dead"

1999

And a stunning canvas she made, at that!

Natty's 7th form ball... I had the honour of turning her into my canvas...

The passing of a lady...

Rest in peace my gentle friend...

Same shot... 8 months later...

Work in progress... the garage is gone, the deck has been extended and despite me best efforts at gardening, none of the trees have died!

And you think you have self-control...

This is my garden... pre-Michael... it's a small but homely jungle :) Didn't realise I had this photo... I'll stick one up of the current state tomorrow :) And maybe... someitme in distant years to come, I'll stick up one of the finished article!

The view from my bedroom window this evening...

Auckland has it's moments...

Drive back from New Plymouth

Matt, you look so confused...

The small group

The Xtend group photo...

If you don't get a job as a youth pastor...

Sacrifice

I think I'm beginning to understand sacrifice now... I thought I did before. It's when you give up something you want, right? Like a few hours on a sunday afternoon to cover in the worship team... or going out of your way to drop someone home. That's sacrifice right? It is. But I think there's more. I think that it's when you give up something and it leaves you physically hurting. It's something that you have no desire to do apart from obedience to God. The other end you canot see, so you can only walk forward in trust. Trust that God knows what He is doing and that His plan and purpose will prevail.

Yet I have a feeling that this isn't really a complete understanding either... thoughts?

Jars of Clay - Worlds Apart

I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all adds up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tear
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart

[Additional lyrics:]

I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart

There is a treason at sea - DC Talk

I am solo in this world of water
Only the tip of a sunrise visible
Like the morning light in a little girl’s eyes
I crave this freedom
I find it only in this little ship
Just my soul and this bread and butter
I am comfortable
But there is a treason at sea
Is it me?
It is a wonder, supernatural cover of war
The dark ones who eternal in damnation grow
Set about me now
How they whine and crow
I am solo
In this world of wet
And bitter is my temperament
I close the door to sentiment
And I relish all my youth
I realize that I am doomed
Fear of love and fear of you
But you give me the keys to paradise
It is you who sympathize
You and your perfection grow
I am cradled in your oceans throw
I crave your freedom in this little ship
For you alone can chart my trip
And like these waves I lose my grip
And I sink into your arms

As a room you know
Even at midnight
Walk through effortlessly
By sense, not sight
Passing unscathed between
Table and chair
Faultlessly aware of ledge and bowl
Of flower and vase
Moving unerringly
Without fear or pause
To the desk with it's open book
Paper knife and book mark
As this room I would have you know me...
Even in the dark.

Logic

God thinks you're wonderful.
God is never wrong.
Therefore...
You are wonderful.
Anyone who thinks otherwise is working from lack of information!

Son forse un poeta?
No, certo.
Non scrive che una parola, ben strana,
la penna dell'anima mia:
- follia.
Son dunque un pittore?
Neanche.
Non ha che un colre
la travolozza dell'anima mia:
- malincolia.
Un musico, allora?
Nemmeno.
Non c'e che una nota
nella tastiera dell'anima mia:
- nostalgia.
Son dunque... che cosa?
Io metto una lente
davanti al mio cuore
per farlo vedere alla gente.
Chi sono?
Il saltimbanco dell'anima mia.

Peomi di Aldo Palazzeschi

Tere's rough english translation...


Perhaps I am a poet?
No, certainly not.
It does not write the words, strange,
The pen of my soul:
Folly
Am I thereforea painter?
Not even.
It does not have the colours,
The pallette of my soul:
Melancholy.
A musican then?
Not really.
There are no notes
The keyboard of my soul
Nostalgia
So therefor... what?
I put a lense to my heart
to show it to people.
Who am I?
An jester, this soul of mine...

YouthTrain Leadership Development Course - The inside story...

All the following photos are what happens when Youth Leaders are left alone together for 8 days in small quarters... somehting has to break.

Scroll down to the two dreamers to get the photsin chronologcal order... (the comments makemore sense that way too)

And Murray, we are truly sorry. Seeing Steve as a 14 year old girl is something I will regret missing for years to come...

For those reading this who weren't there, I'd just like to state for the record that the girls totally kicked butt when it came to pranks... For those reading this who were there... Girls rule! Boys drool! And fart, and burp, and chunder, stink out the toilets...

Final check for bruises, broken bones and removal of any foreign objects, like cow dung.

The last run...

"Never, and we mean never, would we have thought being so reckless would be so much fun!"

Dat must be one wicked wedgie...

Tada!

again... $10 to identify these airborn feet...

Tere's paraphrase of Ecclesiates 4:9
Two are better than one, because together they can work effectively. If one of them falls down, the other can help him up... If they go down a mudslide together and one face plants at the bottom, the other can use him to cushion his fall.

Check out Gordon's skid marks...